Money Obstacles, Strengths & Boundaries: What’s Really Going on? 💭

I’ve been doing this work for over forty years now, and here’s something I know for certain.

Sometimes the thing standing between you and the financial life you want isn’t your income. It isn’t your bank balance. And it certainly isn’t that you’re “just not good with money.”

Sometimes, it’s what’s going on underneath.

An obstacle you haven’t recognised.

A strength you haven’t noticed.

Or a boundary you haven’t set.

And yes, they can all show up in your money life.

What’s your obstacle?

We all have them.

You may avoid looking at your super because you’re worried you won’t understand it. Maybe you keep putting off that financial decision because you’re afraid of getting it wrong. Or, you spend more than you intended because saying no feels uncomfortable.

Maybe you’re comparing your life with everyone else’s highlight reel and wondering why you haven’t got your financial life together.

And that changes the conversation.

An obstacle isn’t necessarily a sign that something is wrong. It may simply be showing you where something needs your attention. That’s a very different conversation, and one I wish someone had had with me decades ago.

What if you spotted your strengths instead?

Most of us are remarkably good at spotting what we’re doing wrong.

We’re much less practised at noticing what we’re doing right.

Strengths spotting is about deliberately noticing strengths in yourself and others, rather than automatically looking for the flaws or gaps.

Psychologist and strengths researcher Ryan M. Niemiec has written extensively about character strengths and strengths-spotting. His approach encourages us to notice strengths in action and name what we see.

So, what might that look like with money?

What if you’ve always thought you were “terrible with numbers” but you’re actually resourceful.

Perhaps you’ve navigated a divorce, raised a family, built a business or reinvented yourself and never stopped to recognise the resilience that took.

You could be incredibly generous, organised, persistent or curious.  Those are not small things.

And they don't suddenly disappear when money pops into a conversation. In fact, they may be some of your greatest financial assets. I've watched women carry these strengths for years without ever giving themselves credit for them.

And then there are boundaries...

Oh, boundaries.

They can be a lot uncomfortable, can’t they? Especially when money is involved.

“No, I can’t lend you the money.”

“That price is what my work is worth.”

“I’m not paying for that anymore.”

“I need to put something aside for myself.”

“I’m not going to spend money simply because everyone else is.”

And sometimes your head knows exactly what you want to say, but your body has other ideas.

Your stomach knots. Your throat tightens. Your heart starts beating faster. You might feel hot, flushed or suddenly want to backpedal and say yes when you really mean no.

Money boundaries can bring up fear of disappointing someone, being judged, feeling selfish or losing a relationship. 

But boundaries are not about becoming mean, selfish or miserly. They are about deciding what you will and won’t do with your money, your time and your energy.

So if your body reacts when you set a boundary, pause and get curious.

What am I afraid might happen if I hold this boundary?

Because sometimes the discomfort isn't telling you the boundary is wrong. It’s telling you that holding it is unfamiliar.

And that brings us neatly back to one of my favourite Money EQ questions:

Does the way you’re using your money actually support the life you want to create?

Your money tells a story

This is where your Money EQ, Money IQ and Money Blocks start talking to each other.

Your Money EQ influences how you feel and behave around money.

Your Money IQ gives you the knowledge and skills to make informed financial decisions.

And your Money Blocks can influence what you believe is possible, safe or acceptable for you, often without you realising it.

You need all three.

Because knowing what to do doesn't necessarily mean you'll do it. And knowing what you want doesn't necessarily mean you'll give yourself permission to have it. Which is why I’m always interested in the story underneath the numbers. After forty years of listening to many stories, I can tell you the numbers are rarely the whole truth.

A little October challenge

Over the next few weeks, notice three things.

An obstacle: What are you avoiding, delaying or finding difficult with money?

A strength: What are you already doing well that could help you financially?

A boundary: Where might you need to say yes to yourself and no to something else?

And while you're at it, take another look at some of the questions from my October Jans Money Minutes.

Are you comparing your financial life with someone else's?

Are you more interested in looking wealthy or building wealth?

Is scarcity making more noise than the actual numbers?

And does your spending reflect what genuinely matters to you?

There’s a lot of information hiding in those questions.

Because your money story isn't just about what you earn, spend, save or invest.

It's also about what gets in the way, what you're already capable of, and what you're willing to stand for.

And that, my friend, is where things can get interesting. Trust me, I've had my own money story shift more than once in forty years, and it never stops being interesting.